The 2 October 2009 was a beautiful spring day in Johannesburg. It was warm, the riot of spring flowers were on full display and the sky, through the vibrant green of the new leaves, was an endless cornflower blue. It was not the right kind of weather to die. I remember the details of that day so clearly because it was my mom’s last day on this earth. At 3:30 in the afternoon, in her own bed, she breathed her last ragged breath surrounded by her family. Ironically, she was diagnosed with breast cancer during breast cancer awareness month and died several years later in the same month.

Ten years on I still miss her terribly and think of her every day. I wish she had been here when my kids were born, but I will never forget what she taught me about mothering.  During her last few weeks she and I spent many hours filling out “The mother’s book” created by Elma van Vliet. It is  a journal filled with questions for daughters to ask their mothers: when did...

Being a mom to small humans is not for kids. In all honesty mothering two toddlers 18 months apart was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. They are now a little bigger and attend nursery school in the mornings and this has made life a lot easier, but before that they were home with me ALL DAY EVERY DAY. I was privileged to have the opportunity to stay home with them, something I know many moms long for, and are not able to do. I was grateful. But that did not mean that it was easy. To be honest on many days I fantasised about my past life as an efficient, organised therapist. 

There were days when I felt so overwhelmed I didn’t know if I wanted to cry, or scream or run out the door the moment my husband arrived home from long days at work. On those days I realised that I had to bring things back to absolute basics. What could I do to calm down? To not yell like a banshee? To stop the waves of overwhelm from crashing over my head? I realised that my...

To the mom next to her child’s hospital bed, 

I see you sitting there, your eyes fixed on the tracing lines, your back aching from leaning over the cot,  your ears buzzing with the incessant beeps of the monitors. I know what its like to be unable to pick up your child because there are tubes and needles everywhere you look. I know what its like to be transfixed by oxygen saturation levels and heart rates and the tempo of his breathing. 

Maybe this is your first time in hospital. Maybe you have a newborn baby and nothing went to plan and you find yourself in the NICU; or maybe you are a veteran, a mom who has done this many times before. Maybe this will be a brief stay, or maybe you will be here for a long time. 

I have spent more days than I care to remember in hospital with my little boy. My first two Mother’s days and my first two Easters as a mom were spent beside his ICU bed. In fact, as I write this I’m sitting next to yet another...